


Fleeting Snow

by dekusagi



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Elemental Magic, Family, Family Issues, Gen, Guilt, Isolation, Loneliness, Magic, Sad, Self-Esteem, Self-Esteem Issues, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 15:58:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16308248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dekusagi/pseuds/dekusagi
Summary: The moment Elsa started using her powers freely at the top of the mountain, she had never felt happier. However, as she struggles with years and years worth of anxiety, depression and guilt she reverts back to the scared young woman that had been cooped up in her room for years.Taking place after  "Let it Go" and before "For the First time in Forever (Reprise)".





	Fleeting Snow

High up on the mountain, the icy cold temperature embraced it like a blanket would to a child. It was smack dab the middle of summer in the kingdom of Arendelle but high up here, in a palace made of ice, it was winter. After having her powers revealed in front of everyone in her kingdom the night of her coronation, Elsa had fled far away from her sister and her people, hoping that by doing so she wouldn’t cause anyone any harm. She couldn’t bear to go through it again. 

            Elsa was happy up here. She could finally use her powers to her heart’s content. Something she hadn’t done since she was eight years old… Since the night she had accidentally hurt her sister and made her parents look at her like a monster. She didn’t blame them, after all the visit to the trolls only confirmed that she was indeed a monster that would cause ice cold fear to everyone around her. But now she was completely free!

 

And alone.

 

She didn’t mind though, she was accustomed to being alone all the time after all; only this time she had a wider space to spend her time in. Her room was beginning to look so much smaller by the minute the more she walked around her own ice palace. There were no rules, no curfews, no “proper” princess (or in her case, queen) etiquette and best of all, no limits. She tried all sorts of things with her icy magic that she hadn’t been allowed to do for years. And now, looking out on the snowy mountains on her balcony in the moonlight, her powers looked… _beautiful._

Elsa let out a soft gasp at her own thoughts. Her powers? _Beautiful?_ Surely she was letting her newfound freedom get to her head. Her powers have always been anything _but_ beautiful. They were out of control, reckless and dangerous. She knew this. Yet part of her wanted to think of them as beautiful as they were a part of herself.

            Shaking her head she decided to head back inside. Maybe she’d try to form furniture or something of the sort with her gift. Another small yet audible gasp escaped her lips again. Was she really calling her powers a… a _gift…?_ By now she knew she must be losing her head. Elsa has always thought of them as more of a curse than anything else in the world. She thought of _herself_ as cursed in many ways. Her magic hurt several people: both physically and emotionally, including herself. She was kept isolated, studying alone and educated only by either her father or mother. She loved her parents dearly but she couldn’t help but feel a bit of resentment deep in her heart for trying to “fix” her. She was also aware that the storm and the shipwreck wasn’t their fault, however their sudden absence from her life made her realize how dependent of them they had made her out to be. And she hated it. She felt abandoned. Yet at the same time she thought it was a proper form of punishment for her having those kinds of thoughts. She blamed herself even though she had absolutely nothing to do with their deaths. It was an endless cycle of blame she didn’t know how to escape.

 

As a heavy feeling began to take place on her mind and heart, she looked at her reflection in a mirror-like ice creation she had made. The first time she saw herself in it she thought she looked amazing, happy even. Now, she only saw a scared young woman. Her eyes wide, she placed her hand upon her own reflection, taking in the small changes that she had failed to notice. Her hair was barely even blonde anymore— instead it was almost as white as the snow outside. The freckles on her face that she had always been happy she shared with her sister were now barely visible as her skin had become even paler with the continuous use of her magic. Her hair no longer tied in a bun yet still tucked properly in place with bits of ice holding it together. And of course, the biggest change yet— her hands weren’t gloved.

 

She hated herself. Every last inch of her. She felt disgusting and horrendous, a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach confirming her worst fears. What if her skin turned blue next? What if she could never touch another person again because her touch would freeze them to death? Could she become snow itself? Or ice?

            She heard a loud yell, surprising her when she realized it was her who had been yelling. She yelled in agony as tears began to stream down her face. _“I really am a monster! A horrible, cold blooded monster!”_ Her cries began to echo, breaking the silence of the palace. But no one would come. No maid would come running in and her comfort her. No butler would bring her favorite snack to cheer her up. No mother would hug her and whisper how everything would be alright. No father would hold her hands and tell her how strong and brave she was. And worst of all… no Anna would come knocking on her door. No Anna laughing outside the hallway. No Anna singing throughout the palace. No Anna making a mess. Just… no Anna. And that hurt more than anything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Elsa found herself in the middle of a snowstorm. She couldn’t have caused this, as she knew when her magic would take effect. She squinted her eyes as she tried to see through the darkness-filled snow. She managed to make out three dark figures in the distance. As she walked towards them she could slowly start to make out the familiar faces of her family.

_“Mother? Father?”_ she began to say, confused yet excited to see them again. She began to run towards them when her father spoke the words she always feared he would say.

_“Don’t come any closer you monster!”_ she stopped in her tracks. Did he…? Had he…? No… he couldn’t have…?

_“Father, I-I can explain!”_

_“There’s nothing to explain. You disobeyed me. You took off your gloves and let your cursed magic wreak havoc. Now look what you’ve done!”_ he gestured to the snowstorm.

_“No I—”_

_“Save your excuses. You’re no daughter of mine.”_

_“No… no, father please! I’m sorry, please I beg you! I didn’t cause this storm, you have to believe me!”_ She reached him; her face stained with tears as she dropped to his side and held the sleeve of his suit.

_“Elsa… how could you do this?”_ Her mother spoke now. Her voice strained as if she had been crying for who knows how long. _“We trusted you. And you let us die… my own daughter!”_ she sobbed.

_“What? No! I would never! That—”_ it was then that she realized that their eyes were white, their skin dead pale and their clothes completely soaked. She let go of her father and he did not look in her direction again. Her mother sobbed loudly again before turning away from her and leaving with the king. Elsa reached out to them again, begging them not to leave but it was too late. They were gone. She fell to the floor, struck with grief at the sight of her parents’ ghosts. She was so caught up in her pain that she had forgotten about the third figure that stood silently at her parents’ side. The figure walked toward her. When Elsa looked up she was met face to face with her beloved sister.

_“Anna—”_

_“Save it,”_ She snapped. If Anna had any powers, Elsa guessed that she would have something to do with fire as the glare she shot her sister was enough to make her burn from the inside out. She could tell it was a look of absolute hatred. _“This is all your fault. You shut me out for years, you weren’t even there for me when our parents died, and now you abandoned me and left the kingdom to die?”_ She let out a dry laugh. _“Some sister you are. Good riddance.”_

 

As she turned to leave Elsa desperately clung to the hem of her dress, begging her sister over and over not to leave. _“Anna please, please listen to me! For once, I need you! No… I’ve always needed you. You’re my little sister and my best friend. Please Anna, don’t leave me… life… life’s too short and—”_

_“Life’s too short to even have you in it, you left me first anyway.”_ was her only reply. Without looking at her, she tugged her dress out of her sister’s grip and walked away. Elsa sobbed and sobbed, truly hating herself as she realized that although she was in the middle of a snowstorm at night… she wasn’t even cold.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Elsa woke up with a start. She had no recollection of falling asleep and on the floor no less. She guessed she must’ve cried herself to sleep at some point last night, resulting in that horrible nightmare. It was amazingly frightening how her subconscious could make all her fears come to life just by closing her eyes. She got up, looking at herself in the mirror again. Her eyes were still a bit puffy from all the crying she did last night and all the crying she must’ve done in her sleep.

“No more… I won’t stand for this anymore. I came up here to be happy. Not to be in the same constant pain I was back in Arendelle.” She declared to herself. She was tired of being sad, lonely and afraid. When she came up this mountain she had decided she was going to be the best version of herself she always wanted to be. She was going to embrace every single part of herself. To do that, she was going to start by getting rid of this mirror.

With one swift movement, ice crashed into the mirror making it come tumbling down on the ground. She was going to be happy and no one would get in the way of it.

 

Not even herself.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was more of a vent more than anything. I've been struggling strongly with my own mental health issues for a few weeks and I finally had the idea to try to vent in some way and I just happened to choose Elsa since I relate to her a lot. This is also the first thing I've ever written for Frozen haha so it was fun to write Elsa as I see her while trying to keep it on par with the movie. Partly inspired by Frozen: A Chilling Tale & Do You wanna build a Snowman? (Chilling Version) by TraciJHines on Youtube! Also partly inspired by the song Monster from the Frozen musical on Broadway! Also had helped from a five word prompt from tumblr. Thanks for reading and have a good one!


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